I was going to type a lot of words. But I think all I’m thinking is that I’m getting disillusioned and I’m basically turned into a boring dud of a person. I need to fix this. It’s not my environment’s fault that I’m boring. I do good work. I make stuff happen. But as far as interesting urbane things, stories to tell and just feeling like I’m in this rewarding life? Not as much. It’s not anyone else’s fault though.
As annoyed as I got at hearing my coworkers speculate and trash me a few days ago, I realize that they’re not the problem. I am.
This is all a lot to digest and hard to put a finger on what I’ll do. It’s not really a situation full of easy answers. I just know I need to proceed on a path that makes sense. I can’t keep trying to find someone else to help me live life that makes sense for me. It’s never going to work.
I don’t really know what I’m doing. I just know I have to do better.